An Unexplained Feeling
by SkittlesStar25
Summary: Natalie has been going through some rough times, especially since she found out that Cristian was an imposter! is there anyone who understands her? and will john ever confess how he really feels? my first OLTL fic so be gentle. plz R&R!


An Unexplained Feeling

Disclaimer: I don't own One Life To Live or any of the characters, if I did I think I would own Rex...he's really hott... -

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Natalie didn't understand it, she had gone through so much within the past month. The love of her life Cristian was finally gone for good and the imposter was behinds bars forever, hopefully. Blair's missing and Todd was finally found by Kevin; who would have thought? Now working at the police station with John just created more tension between not only them, but with Evangeline as well.

She slowly brushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she tried to get back to work. With all the commotion going on it was hard for her to concentrate on anything, especially since yesterday Roxie happen to throw John a big party and give her all the credit. People were walking in and out of the office trying to find out information about the whole situation with Blair.

"David I am getting sick and tired of sitting her while poor Blair could be dying!"

David sighed, "Look what am I suppose to do? Pull out a whip and make them work harder? Dorian you know I want her to come back just as much as you do, but we can't make them go any faster. They're doing the best they can."

She huffed, "Well their BEST isn't good enough for me! I want some answers NOW! Bo walks by Bo! What's going on?"

"Dorian I've told you hundreds of times, go home. We will call you the minute we hear anything about her okay? Don't worry about it, we've got everything under control...I promise."

Dorian sighed in defeat as David slowly walked her out of the station. A few minutes later none other than John McBain walked into the office.

Natalie tried to ignore him, but he walked over to her and greeted her with a smile, "Hey Natalie. I just wanted to thank you for that party last night."

"John about that, I am sooo sorry! I had NO idea that Roxie was going to pull a stunt like that, if I knew I would have told you before you went."

He smirked, "Heh, well you know...it wasn't that bad of an idea. Sure I wasn't expecting it, but hey. It was the first time in a while that I had a party."

" Oh wait," she reached inside her desk and pulled out a card, "look I know it isn't much, but-"

"No, it's fine. You didn't have to get me anything at all, so whatever it is I appreciate it."

Suddenly Evangeline walked in, "John hey. I didn't hear you leave this morning, why didn't you tell me where you were going?"

He ran his fingers through his long locks, " Oh sorry, I completely forgot. I could have sworn you had the day off."

She smiled, "I do. I just wanted to see if you might want to join me for a bite?"

John looked over at Natalie and sighed, " Well, I mean I do have a lot of work to do. I did just get here and I-"

"No, no I understand. I'll just see you later okay?" She softly placed a kiss to his lips before walking back out.

"That woman is a piece of work, never a dull moment with her," he said to no one in particular.

Natalie sighed, "Ok well I'm gunna go for a walk. I'll see you later."

Before he could respond she had already gotten her coat and walked out the door. He just shook his head as he walked into his office. John would have never believed that he would end up with her. For a while he thought things were going to work between him and Natalie, but with Paul and John's insecurities he knew it wouldn't work. After shuffling a few papers the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, look I know I just left, but is something bothering you? You seemed kinda of upset."

It was Evangeline. Before he could answer Natalie walked in, "John I'm sorry to bother you, but my uncle wants to talk to you."

He sighed, "Look I'll hafta call you back, don't worry I'm fine. I'll see you later." He hung up the phone and smiled.

"I didn't know you were on the phone, my uncle could have waited until you were done."

"No, no don't worry about it. It was just Michael. He wanted to see how I was doing after the whole party yesterday."

"Oh," she smiled, "well I guess I'll see you later." She walked out of the office and sat back down at her desk. She couldn't understand why she still felt this way. Natalie had convinced herself that she was not right for John, that he was with Evangeline and she needed to let go.

It was easier; however, when the so-called Cristian imposter came into the picture. She finally believed that she had her husband back, she was convinced that she would finally be happy, but when he came out to everyone that he was just someone who got plastic surgery to look like Cristian and kill Antonio and Tico she was devastated. It was hard for her to recover after finding out, I mean she had even SLEPT with him! Little by littler it seemed that things were getting a tad better, but she couldn't understand this sudden urge to be around John, it was driving her crazy.

John walked out of his office and into Bo's, he was sitting in his chair reading over a couple of papers when he noticed John was there.

"Hey John," he said.

"Commissioner, you wanted something?" he asked.

He reclined in his chair, "Yea, well you know about the whole Blair situation. Well my father has decided to take it upon himself to set up a reward hoping that people will try harder to find Blair. I'm going to be on leave for a while and I was wondering if you might be able to you know...possibly take over the situation for the time being?"

John smirked, "Well, it's a big job, but if I've gotta do it then I'll do it. Besides I think you need a vacation anyway."

He eyed him oddly, "And why do you say that?"

"Well because, you've been working so hard lately. You could use a rest, I think a vacation would do you good."

He smiled, "Thanks John." Bo grabbed his coat and left his office. John walked over to the big chair and sat down, 'So this is what being the commissioner feels like,' he thought as he slowly laid back in the chair.

He began to think back on his short conversation with Evangeline and how he lied to Natalie. Why didn't he want her to know who he was talking to? Could there still be a part of him who had feelings for her? No, he's got Evangeline now, what else could he need? She was spontaneous, fun, crazy, and wonderful. What more could he want? Sure she was very serious and sometimes a bitch, but most women were. It was just something about Natalie that made him think twice. 'Maybe now that Cristian is "dead" I have a chance to put the past behind me and finally move on with my life.'

He put his hands in his pocket when he pulled out his card. Natalie had given him the card as a gift earlier and he had never gotten around to reading it. While sitting at Bo's desk he carefully opened up the envelope. Inside was a note, he quickly unfolded it and began to read,

(A/N: Now I have no idea how old John is so I'm gunna say he's like 27 or something just for the time being.)

_John-_

_Happy Birthday! Twenty-seven, my my how time flies when we're having fun. I know you don't really like to celebrate your birthday or get gifts, but I felt I had to give you this note. Although we've only know each other for a short time it always felt like you were someone I could trust. At the beginning it was hard for me to open up because I was still afraid of so much. The truth is that I wanted to be with you, but my heart was too afraid to get broken again. It could have just been my imagination, but at times I thought you felt the same way. I wanted to be with you, but there were so many things in the way for both me and you. When Cristian...well the imposter one at least...came back I was convinced that I would be happy. Even though a part of me didn't want to believe it, you knew the whole time that he wasn't Cristian. I didn't want to believe it, but you were right...you were right all along. I was stupid to think that he could come back. I'm so ignorant, but I'm glad you figured it out. I didn't want to live a lie of happiness. See it was easier to hide how I felt because I had Cristian back and you had Evangeline; although her and I have never really seen eye to eye there is one thing we can agree on and it's how we feel about you. As far as I know Evangeline loves you and you seem to love her, but what you may not know is that I love you too. Even if we never get to be together that's fine, being friends with you may be hard, but I can bare it. So here's my gift to you on your birthday...my heart. I love you John._

_Always,_

_Natalie_

John couldn't believe it, Natalie loved him. Him! A part of him knew this from the beginning, but he couldn't believe that she would actually come out and say it to him. He got out of the chair and walked out of Bo's office. Natalie wasn't at her desk so he walked around asking if anyone had seen her.

"Has anyone seen Natalie?"

An officer answered, "Yea I think she just left, she mumbled something about Angel Square or something."

"Thanks," he replied before running out the door.

The snow was softly falling outside while Natalie sat next to the statue, she wondered how John would react to her note and if it was a foolish idea. She couldn't believe she had told him so much, but she needed to get it off her chest.

John walked down the path to Angel Square hoping to find Natalie there to he could talk to her about the note, when he rounded the bend he saw her sitting next to the angel staring at the ground kicking some pebbles.

"Natalie?" he asked as she looked up at him and tried to smile.

"Oh, hey John."

"Can I sit down?" he asked. She patted the stone next to her as he sat down and sighed.

"Look I got your note and I just wanted to say-"

"John about the note I can explain. I know that you're in love with Evangeline and I didn't mean to scare you away."

"Natalie calm down. You didn't scare me away, do you think I would be sitting here next to you if I was scared?"

"Well, I guess not."

"Good, now shut up and let me finish okay?"

She folded her arms together, "I don't hafta take your shit."

"Well before you start trying to defend yourself and set yourself up for a fall why don't you just let me say what I gotta say, it might be worth listening to."

She sighed in defeat and let him continue.

" I read the note. First of all you're not stupid for everything with the imposter. You weren't the only one who believed it was him. You're family and Cristian's honestly believed that he was back. Don't put yourself down because of that. With everything before that were right. I did have so much insecurities and I was afraid to get into something else. I wasn't ready for a relationship, but as we began to grow apart when you were with Paul Evangeline was there to catch me. I guess she was the rebound after what you and I had. I won't deny it, I did want to be with you too, but I was afraid of getting hurt, or worse...something happening to you. I wasn't a safe person to be around back then, it was insane and crazy and I just didn't want you or anyone for that matter to get involved. I'm sorry if you got hurt in the process. I never meant for any harm to come to you. Although I am with Evangeline at the moment I still care about you. If I wasn't with her it would be so much different. Natalie I care about you so much, but I was an asshole back then and I didn't mean those awful things I said. I could have been nicer, but it was hard for me to open up. I do want to tell you that I appreciate your gift, but I can't accept it."

Natalie continued to look down at the ground, staying silent as she fought back tears welled in her eyes. She turned to John, eyes shining.

" Why?" she managed to choke out. A single tear slide down her cheek, he lifted his hand to wipe it away, but she turned her face.

"Natalie please try to understand, I care about you, but there's so much going on in my life right now that I can't just stop everything for you."

She began to get angry at his words, " That's not what I mean John! I know you can't stop everything for me and that's not what I expect, but if you could only comprehend how I'm feeling right now then maybe you would realize how I feel. I gave you something so sacred, my heart John, my heart; and now all you can do is say you can't accept it! What the hell am I suppose to think!"

She stood up to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist, "Natalie please try to listen, it's not that I don't care about you. I'm with Evangeline and if I could go back in time to change it I would. I want you to be happy and God only knows I want you to be happy with me, but I can't just abandon her like that."

She turned to him, tears now freely falling, " John, I love you. I don't want to live like this anymore, living a lie. Evangeline knows there's something going on. She's completely jealous of us even being friends. God only knows how she would react if she found out about this. I mean even reading that note would send her up the wall."

"Natalie, look this isn't easy for me either."

"Well I don't know what to tell you John. I'm not going to sit here and suffer."

She began to walk away, his hand still on her wrist, "John, please just let me go."

He slowly approached her and moved in close, she looked down as he lifted her chin. She stared into his piercing blue eyes as he gently pressed his lips to hers, creating a spark so-to-speak between the two. They both knew it was right, no matter who was in the way.

Suddenly Evangeline turns the corner and notices the two, tears begin to flood her eyes, but she doesn't let herself get caught. It would be worse if John knew what she was seeing. Hopefully if he's honest enough he would tell her later on. She watched as the two parted for air.

"John, we can't be doing this...Evangeline...what if she..."

"Natalie, I don't care about that right now. I know you felt it too, it was so right. I've been waiting so long to kiss you like that, I couldn't take it any longer."

"I can't do this John. I won't be part of this, I care about you, but being unfaithful to Evangeline? I don't approve of it."

He let her wrist free as she walked back around the bend into the office to continue with her work.

John sighed as he sat back down next to the statue, he begins to hear the clicking of heels as he sees Evangeline coming around the corner with a smile on her face, looking like she was completely unaware of what just happened, until she spoke.

"John, what's going on?"

To be continued...


End file.
